I used to drink a lot. My favorite drinking friends were my best friend and her husband. We would take shots until we passed out. These were church friends.
One night, he raped me. The next morning I didn’t believe it could have happened. So I didn’t tell anyone. But it happened again and again.
I never pursued charges because I was told that people wouldn’t believe me because I knew my rapist and he was married. This removed my joy from sex.
When I entered candidacy, I was advised not to talk too much about my rape, because “you had sex before marriage, you broke Vision & Expectations.”
Years later, my rapist is hired as an assistant to the bishop. I told my story to protect others. But he kept his job. He “explained his side of the story satisfactorily” and “he has done the work to be a better person” and “people can change and the church is about forgiveness.”
He has had no consequences. But I have consequences everyday. I have the consequences of a church that has refused to protect me and others from a predator in a position of power. I have the shame of being raped and being told by the church that it is my fault because I “had sex before marriage.”